Finding My Bliss

As a spouse, I HAD to LEARN ways to cope with the stressors that came up due to our new lifestyle.  Yes, I now had a thriving music studio with students that I absolutely LOVED working with.  Through a lot of hard work, I was making friends and learning how to let things roll off my back.  By watching older, gracious spouses, I was learning how to maneuver through military society.  But come winter, I was back in a funk again.  

Those first snows in October came with a vengeance. At first, the beauty of the white thrilled me.  The gracefulness with which it fell from the sky was peaceful and called for a big pot of soup and fresh bread.  However, despite its beauty, the lack of sun soon started to have its affect.  At this point, I was pregnant with our first child.  Pairing the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy with the gloom that descended on me with the sun's absence, you can imagine what my poor engineer had to contend with.  Luckily, it was about this time that I also started turning my mind back to what brought pleasure to me.

I have always been a very creative person.  Growing up, if I could work with my hands, I was happy.  However, the responsibilities of adulthood quickly put creativity on the sidelines.  At this point, it had been YEARS since I had done anything.  Not even a coloring book had entered my home.  Now, at this bleak period in my life, I had found myself again in a white, cold place, surrounded by NEW friends (but no one I felt comfortable talking to), pregnant, and very far from family.  Other than my students & my engineer, I had very little to lift my spirits.  In the midst of the descending darkness, I looked for what brought joy.  

With the pregnancy of our first baby, brought a need for a nursery.  It was in the process of putting together the nursery that I found my bliss.  I remember dusting off my Great-Grandmother's Kenmore Sewing Machine and deciding that I was going to do all the sewing for the Nursery myself.  Because I was a low-risk pregnancy, ultra-sounds were an extra that we decided to forego.  So, with great excitement, I went shopping for fabric.  I quickly fell in love with a Hickory Dickory Dock toile at the local fabric store...and got to work.  

To say that working on that major sewing project brought peace is an understatement.  The joy that I felt as that huge stack of fabric was transformed into a beautiful, modest nursery, was something I became addicted to.  I remember standing in that little room, with my hand on my growing child, and being at peace with the world he or she was going to live in.  There was a gentleness and love in that room that, to this day, I still cherish.  While it was simple, as my engineer was a Butter Bar, it was a haven.  A haven created with my own two hands.  At that point, I made the decision that creativity was no longer going to be a fleeting moment, but a steadfast part of my daily life.

I remember, with a smile, as I searched for new things that I hadn't tried yet.  I fell in love with making cards for family and friends who were far away.  There was a feeling of connect that came as I would thoughtfully create something for the birthdays and anniversaries in each month and mail them off.  I seriously enjoyed getting my hands dirty, sometimes wearing random shades for days at a time.  While scrapbooking was never something that hit high on my list of things that I enjoyed doing, with the birth of my child, I saw the importance of recording our life so that she could look back and know her story and that of our family.  

Over the following years, I picked up several hobbies.  Every single one I thoroughly love.  I quickly learned that long periods of separation were best spent creating something beautiful.  I have stacks of quilts to attest to that, each one hand embroidered with the dates and "reason" for its creation.  My lonely bed results in sleepless nights.  So, instead of tossing and turning, I stay up and create. Some of my "hobbies" have resulted in extra income for my family.  While that had never been the intention, it is definitely a pleasant bonus.

A couple years after finding my bliss, my engineer discovered a series of articles in scientific and medical journals discussing the positive affects that creativity with raw materials have on mental health.  Evidently, serotonin levels spike when test subjects spent time transforming raw materials (yarn, paper, wood, etc) into something beautiful or useful.  To say that he became a supporter of my bliss is an understatement.  Through the years, when stress was high due to location, long hours, TDYs, or deployments, he would lovingly encourage me to create.  He would humor my long hours and passionate desire to work with my hands.  

Now, knowing the peace that my bliss brings to our home, I see younger spouses who are struggling the same way I did.  I encourage them to find their bliss.  It doesn't matter what it is.  Just find something to create with your hands and see where it will take you!