Surviving Periods of Long Separation
- Nurture Your Female Relationships: Many a misstep happens when women do not do this. When the husband leaves, keep male friends at a distance. Loneliness has a way of causing spouses to make poor decisions. Lean on your Military Sisters. They are all you needed during these times.
- Stay Busy: Fill your time!! Volunteer...work...I don't care! Just do it! Do not allow yourself to flounder in your home. A busy mind and working hands are the keys to survival. If you don't know where to look, check in with your family support agency, youth center, or local schools. Everyone needs help. Also check in with your local SPCA. Not only will you fill your time, but you will also meet new people.
- Connect with Other Deployed Families: While some of these may only be connections during the deployment season, being around people who are also dealing with similar situations helps...a lot. Keep one thing in mind...be careful to spend time with people who do not bring others down. There is a fine line between honesty and discord.
- Keep the Kids Active: Children have a rough time during the periods. Make sure to keep them active in things they love...even if they get into a slump. Offer encouragement and understand that they, just like you, will have their moments in the pit. Be honest about your own moments and work on your coping mechanisms so that they can work on theirs. Leading by example is the best way to help them cope with the absence of their other parent. Things will get rough...but you can do it.
- COMMUNICATE: Get creative with maintaining the connection between you and your active duty member! While email may be easy, there is nothing like the snail mail letters to sooth the emotions during tough times.
- Get Creative: It can be as simple as crayons and a coloring book. It is actually documented the creativity and the act of making something out of nothing increases serotonin levels. Whenever you feel like you are going downhill, make something...even if you think you aren't a creative person. Most people discover that there are creative bones in their bodies and that it was just a matter of looking for them.
- Stay Physically Active: Physical Activity also increases serotonin. Make sure to do SOMETHING...ANYTHING...to get your body moving...even when all you want to do is curl up in bed. You will be happy you did.
- Remember...the Transition Period when they get home can be rough. There have been so many changes and things that have happened on both sides that communication and understanding are a must!!! Start seriously talking about what will be needed from and for each other a month before the reunion. While the Honeymoon period (about 1-2 weeks) may seem to be perfect, it is best to know that a lot of love, grace, and understanding is needed all around. This is a time when it is good to talk to a mature, reliable, positive fellow spouse about HER own reunions...especially if this is your first.
For more information on surviving periods of separation, get, read, and use, Separated By Duty, United in Love, which can be found in my "Military Spouse's Library" section.
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