Birthing Babies and Discovering Family

When it came time for my first child to arrive, I was feeling pretty alone.  I had grown up, like most in the civilian world, with the idea that family was always close when a new member entered the collective.  But as the time drew nearer, I had to accept the fact that it was going to be just the two of us.  The geographic distance between me and my mother was just too far for her to be able to come up.  While my mind understood, my heart ached.  My engineer was so loving and supportive during this time.  The pregnancy hormones were coursing through my system, and he was that loving, level voice of reason that kept me grounded.

My engineer and I were excited about our anniversary.  We had made reservations at a nice restaurant and were looking forward to one last dinner out before our child arrived.  However, none of that would happen.  Our beautiful daughter decided that she wanted to grace us with her presence two weeks early.  After two days full of severe back pain, my water broke at midnight...the morning of our anniversary.

Typical of a first child, my labor was an uneventful 17 hours.  My engineer never left my side. Honestly, during that whole thing, I didn't have time to miss anyone.  What I had was what I needed, and, at that moment, what I needed was what I wanted.  The hospital staff, CNM, and my engineer were my team.  It wasn't until after we were settled into the ward that I started longing for my family.  I remember thinking about the "oohs" and "ahhs" that are a part of family welcoming a new addition into the fold.  The room seemed so lonely.  I remember holding my beautiful dark haired angel, tears rolling down my face, as I thought about the lonely world she was entering...and wishing it wasn't so.

Then it happened.  One the second day after she was born, my closest friend arrived with her husband.  I was SO surprised.  All of a sudden, that feeling that I had missed earlier was there.  When she walked into that room, I discovered something very special.  My Military Family.

I wasn't alone at all.  My little family wasn't floating in an ocean of Blue on our own.  We were surrounded by family.  Not only were they family, but they were family that we didn't have to explain military oddities to.  My military family understood because they were living it.  Over the years that followed, my military family would grow.  While I am cautious when it comes to developing friendships, I would open my heart and mind to meeting new people and reaching out to them where they are at.  Now, years later, I have "family" all over the globe.

When I meet new spouses, I remember how disconnected I felt when I was new to this military life.  I work hard to help them know that they are not alone.  That they, too, are surrounded by a loving family who understands just where they are at.  While I wish that they did not have to go through what I went through, I understand that it takes a real "ah ha" moment for them to truly see what is right in front of them.

My military sisters are my anchor.  Over the years, I have realized that, while my blood family may love me, they do not always understand.  Sometimes, when things are rough, trying to talk to someone who doesn't live in the Blue can make life even harder.  What I LOVE about my military sisters is that we support, understand, and encourage each other to walk on.  While we all offer shoulders to cry on, we also have hands that raise chins with a loving, "Square your shoulders and march on, Love."

Over the years, I have heard several women lament the "quality" of spouses who marry into the military.   Like any society, there are the bad apples.  I will not deny that.  However, when I look at the caliber of woman who I have chosen to be my own military sister, I can't help but wonder where the neigh sayers are looking for friends.  I have been blessed to have encountered so many strong, intelligent, wise, and compassionate women through the years, that I know these women exist everywhere.

Just as our active duty form their iron strong bonds with each other through the trials that they face together, so do spouses.  Some friendships are there for a season, but others endure years of separation and only grow stronger with time.  These military sisters are the ones that I can laugh with, walk through life with, and mourn with.  We can count on each other for honesty, regardless of the situation.  We laugh at life and all that goes with it.  We listen and speak thoughts honestly and lovingly.

Frankly, I do not think I would be the woman I am today if it wasn't for these dear women.  It takes a special kind of woman to make this life work.  She has to have a very thick skin, but still be compassionate and tenderhearted.  Wisdom is a vital part of her makeup as she has to maneuver through a society that is a microcosm of America as a whole.  The melange of cultures and backgrounds in the military demands both sincerity and discernment. Without these, the fabric of our society can begin to unravel due to inflexibility and isolationist behavior.  As a young spouse, I had the honor of observing older spouses who were the manifestation of all these qualities and were able to embrace everyone, regardless of background.  Upon observing the beauty, strength, and grace that they brought to our society, I knew that what I desired most, was to develop those traits within myself.  

Upon returning home from the hospital with my daughter, I looked at my military family in a completely different light.  I saw that my wee one had so many aunts and uncles.  I will never forget how my colicky little girl immediately calmed when she was held by a Tech Sgt. in my engineer's squadron.  The love and gentleness that he gave her was enough to give him a very special place in our hearts.  There we were, tired, frazzled new parents, and he gave us hope that she would not scream forever.  To this day, we are immensely thankful for the hope that he gave us.

With the birth of my daughter came the discovery of a family that would be the strength and connection that I so desperately needed.  Without my military family, I would not be the woman I am today.  While I love my "family,"  my military sisters are the ones that I first turn to in times of joy and sorrow.  With them, nothing has to be explained.  The unspoken understanding of living in the Blue is our anchor in the midst of storms.