You LOST My Husband???

Note:  This post is coming out of nowhere.  It is just something that I have been thinking about a lot lately.  As I am gearing up for a possible vacation in the sand, past experiences are at the forefront of my mind right now.

Timeline:  European Assignment

We, the Military Spouses of the United States of America, are a unique breed.  A little off at times (you kind of have to be), but sharp as switchblades and strong as nails.  While yes, I readily admit, we have a few that wig out every now and then, all in all, it takes a very strong person to be willing to shoulder the loads that we embrace (though grudgingly at times) and survive to tell the tales of our mis-adventures.  We love much, tolerate little from the outside world, and fight like lionesses to protect that which we have claimed as our own.  Just as our men and women in uniform are warriors, we left on the home front are nothing to be taken lightly.  That being said, I have to share one of my mis-adventures as a mil-spouse during one of our deployments.

My engineer was off living in the sandpit.  He had been gone for months when this happened.  Life had been crazy, but thanks to sheer stubbornness and my mil-sisters, life was bumping along, one day at a time.  At times, my one goal for the day was for everyone to make it to bed that night.  I have no idea how many evenings I raised my mug of hot tea to the sky as a toast to a day survived.  As any mil-spouse will admit, small victories are, at times, the very best.    Living in a foreign land, I had a preschooler and a newborn, my engineer was off playing where things got blown up...life could be much better.

One night, when he was able to call, my engineer let me know that he would be out of range and not to worry.  Being a Key Spouse, I knew protocol for if something did happen, and informed him that I would kill him if a group of men in uniform came knocking on my door at 2am.  Laughing, we said "I love you" and hung up.

There is no denying the fact that you can't help but worry when you service member is in a career field that actually spends time on the ground and has training that you wish he didn't have.  Training = Being where you don't belong.  Honestly, I spend my days saying "La, La, La, La" and drowning out the possibilities.  I stay insanely busy, read loads of books, and make sure to exhaust myself so that I can collapse into bed at night.  What can I say?  It works for me.

A couple days after that "I'm outside the wire" call, I get this bizarre phone call at ten o'clock at night.  Pulling my groggy self out of bed, I went to get the phone from downstairs.  Picking up the phone, I hear the voice of one of the other spouses from my husband's team.  Looking at the clock, I hear a distinct edge in her voice.

"Are you sitting down?" says the spouse.

"It is 10pm, I should be sleeping.  Why?  Should I be sitting down??"

"I just got a serious phone call from 'A' saying that they need your husband to check in when you hear from him.  They haven't heard from him and do not know where he is." She continues.

At this point, I am sitting down, on the floor, in the dark, staring at the phone. "What do you mean?  They LOST my husband??"  At this point, I am working really hard on NOT screaming.  My last conversation with my engineer is running through my mind.  Was that my ultimate last??  "I have to go" and I hung up the phone.

Sitting there, in the dark, my head sunk to my knees.  Over and over, I kept telling myself that if something happened to him, three suits would be coming to my door.  I scrolled down the list of numbers in my phone and stared at the commander's number.  M had told me to call at any time I needed anything.  In the end, I decided to wait out the night.  I had a meeting with him in the morning...it could wait til then.

I did not sleep that night.  Having a friend recently have to sacrifice her future with the man she loved most in the world, my mind overlaid her life on mine.  I paced that night.  Around 1am, the phone rang.  To my absolute relief, it was my engineer saying that he was back and he would call me at a more reasonable hour.  Telling him I loved him, I said good night.

The next day, at my meeting, I was able to speak of the events in past tense.  However, I wasn't scared at this point.  I was livid!  Luckily, he had my back and took care of it from there.  My engineer had followed protocol and his command downrange hadn't.  They had acted in a way that had caused undue strain on an already stressed situation.

What I am saying is this: Sometimes people make bad decisions.  However, instead of holding those to yourself, speak up!  Make sure it doesn't happen to someone else.  And...if, by chance, you are asked to pass on such a message...DO NOT DO IT!!!  You are not the proper channel and should bow out of doing it.  While you may feel that you are doing a service, trust me, Honey, when I say you aren't.