We Are Going Where??? (Shocked Once Again...will this ever stop???)

The military and its assignment process never ceases to amaze me.  Every single time we have received notification of a new assignment, there is a sense of shock and either amazement or dread.  But there is ALWAYS shock.  Even when we suspected that we may be heading somewhere, when the reality of it hits, the shock remains.  There is only so much mental preparation that you can do.  Because we are expected to be strong and resilient, the ever present support to our military members, we spouses often wear a mask of cheerful acceptance that hides the fear that courses through our souls.  

In the autumn following our Angel's first birthday, we discovered that we were heading to the Orient.  Because I was still disillusioned about what was expected from me as a military spouse, I plastered that smile on my face and declared it an adventure.  Family didn't help my internal battle one bit.  There was talk of "taking their baby to that place" and "is this REALLY what you want??"  SHOOT!!!  We didn't have much of a choice, now did we??  After a while, I just stopped talking about it.  

At that point, I had a few really dear friends, but I felt that by voicing my fears about our next location that I was showing weakness.  Good Heavens!!!  I wish, with all my might, that I could go back and slap that young woman!  I kept all those questions, fears, and shock bottled up inside.  "For goodness sake, Girlfriend!!  You are heading to a country that blows stuff up and is known for gastrointestinal illnesses!  It is OK to be scared!"  But NO!  I had to keep it to myself, smile, and pretend that not only was everything ok, life was PREFECT!  (I am sitting here, shaking my head in wonder at my naive self!)

But life wasn't perfect.  It was FAR from perfect.  We had been told that we were probably going to California, stationed close to my grandparents.  My disappoint was beyond acute.  All I had wanted, after being in the Great White North for three years, was to go home.  I hadn't learned yet that home is where the USAF sends you, and so my heart ached for something it couldn't have.  My engineer kept asking me if I was ok with everything.  At the time, I just couldn't tell him that my heart was broken.  There was nothing that he could do about it.  When we married, we had the passage from Ruth as part of our ceremony.  I distinctly remember telling myself, "where you go, I will go."  Part of me felt like I had made my bed, and now I had to lie in it.  

After spending some time researching our future location, I stopped reading about the Orient all together.  Every article was about unrest, bombings, and terrorist groups!  What the heck were we doing?  I remember holding my Angel, thinking about the fact that she had not been given a choice in the matter.  What kind of mother was I?

With squared shoulders, I smiled and presented a strong facade.  I felt that if I acted like it was a great thing, it would become one.  Life is built around perspective.  Actively changing my perspective, I stepped forward with my foot over the abyss.  All my little family had before us was the unknown.  Our sponsor was single. And while she tried, she didn't have any answers for any of our questions. We were embarking on the ultimate adventure.  The Orient and all that it held awaited us.  

In the end, we had all that we needed to make it work.......

Each other.