Babies Having Babies

The military is built of warriors in their prime: from the invincible 18 year olds straight out of high school to the mature, yet strong, senior leaders in their 40s and early 50s.  It is  an interesting society that has its oldest age group topping out at their early 50s...with the rare occasion of those in their 60s located at top brass assignments.  Just as these individuals are in the perfect period in their lives to fight and lead, they are also in the prime time to breed.

One thing that I found to be quite interesting when I first entered military society was the abundance of pregnant women and babies.  Strollers, diapers, showers, birth announcements...they were everywhere.  I was in my mid 20s when we started this Blue Journey.  No children at that point and completely surrounded by them.

What had shocked me was how young some of the parents were.  Now, years later and a greater age distance between me and our younger service members, I am still caught flat footed when I see a 19 year old mother pushing a stroller through the BX.  While this may strike some on the outside to shake their heads in concern, I understand it a little bit more.

A young man (or young woman) enlists straight out of high school and marries his or her sweetheart.  They have stable incomes, health insurance, and social support within the community.  So, why not go ahead and start a family?  Sometimes it is an "oops" situation.  But some are not.

During our time in the Great White North, my engineer had a young man (18 years old) in his squadron.  This young troop and his beautiful wife (17 years old) were expecting their first child.  Finding that he couldn't support a child, he enlisted and provided his love and his child with a stable home and health insurance.  He also took advantage of all the professional training and education that the military would provide during his time in service.  Years later, my engineer would see him again, but this time in a tailored suit working as a defense contractor, still providing for his family.  He was a smart young man who had the ability to roll with his situation and make wise decisions.

Some cases aren't so successful.  I grew up with the understanding that there are worse things than being single.  Being married to the wrong person can create a completely toxic existence. Marrying just for the sake a of child, and not out of genuine love of each other, can make for not just a bad home environment, but a dangerous one as well.

Around the same time as we became acquainted with this young man and his wife, we also went through the New Parent Orientation that is held at all bases for first time parents.  I will never forget going to the class and finding that most of the mothers there were five to six years younger than I was.  I felt like I had "geriatric" written on my forehead.

The bulk of our time at this class was spent on the many reasons you should NEVER shake your baby.  I felt like it was pretty obvious why you should never shake a baby.  But, looking around the room, I saw shock and fear written on the young faces that surrounded me.  Oh, my!  This was new to these young parents.  That was when I started looking at them a little differently.  There was so much that they hadn't dealt with yet.  And here they were, about to become parents when they didn't even qualify for reduced car insurance.  My heart, to this day, goes out them.

They are very young, far from their families and friends, and, on top of all of this, have the increased stress that comes with being in the military.  While most young people their age are off at college or flipping burgers, they live in a pressure cooker that allows for no mistakes.  By the time most of these youthful warriors are 23, they have deployed a couple times, seen death, have dealt with losing friends, grapple with the weight of taking a life themselves, and have families who depend on them.

Through the years, I can not count the number of child abuse convictions that I have read about.  While I am not making excuses, part of me understands how these painful and deadly situations come to pass.  Stress, anger, and a feeling of being disconnected from their families creates an environment that just causes rash behavior to build to the point of explosion.  This isn't just with young families, but with all families.  However, our younger families are more at risk due to the sheer number of them within our ranks.

Now, when I meet a young family expecting their first child or with a newborn, my heart and prayers go out to them.  They need the communal support of our extended military family the most during this time.  Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents are so far away.  It is time to step forward and adopt a young family...for everyone's sake.

If you know a young family or you are active in your military community, please get familiar with the Don't Shake Program.  Encourage the young families in our midst and let them know they are not alone.

Don't Shake . Org