There Be Dragons...

Note - Fast forward to the present...location: the Pacific.

Spiders, Snakes, and Scorpions are the most poisonous when they are young.  Their inability to control their venom output can give a deadly blow to their victim, even if it was unintentional and reactionary.  While these creatures are still deadly as adults, they, at least, try to reign it in a bit and only strike when needed.  To be honest, and I mean no offense, the same can be said of "new to the military" spouses.  While all of us have met those who NEVER learn that lesson regardless of how long they have been around, most people mature fairly quickly in the military...striking only when needed.

Over the past decade, I have met only a handful of ladies who I would classify as dragons.  Honestly, I can count them on both hands.  I have an abundance of roses in my life, thorns & all, that are the dearest women I have ever met.  Sadly, sometimes a dragon can be mistaken for a rose.  It is after navigating the thorns for a while that it dawns on me that I am really walking through a fire rather than a garden.

There is nothing like that feeling I get when I discover a dragon.  Normally a pretty good judge of character, I feel a deep sense of disappointment in myself for not seeing what was right there in front of me the whole time.  I am sad to say that four of the 7 dragons that I have met in my life were spouses who were new to the military.  All four of these women had less than 3 years in the military, complained constantly about the military, and did not understand what those who have been living this wartime environment for a decade or more have had to face.  Every single time, all the "Dragon" signs were there, and I chose to ignore them.  I guess it was hopeful naivete the caused me to close my eyes to what everyone else could see.

What is the sign of a Dragon, you may ask.  While there are several, I am going share the signs that I have recently ignored.

• Fire, not calm, is her initial response.  This is the one sign that I have continually chosen to ignore and should not have.  Sometimes excused as "bluntness," it is really a strong sign of pride that does not budge...even in the face of being wrong.  I am an honest, blunt person.  Those qualities are something that I love to see in others.  However, the marriage of diplomacy with bluntness is a must, fore without it, people get burned.  "Bluntness", used in the above description, is also used to cover an inability to control one's anger.  Being calmly honest has a far greater impact than "bluntness" raining down like fire from heaven.
• She talks poorly of others behind their backs.  She may be "venting" to you, but be aware that she may be doing the same about you to others.  Avoid a gossip at all costs and don't take part.  Don't put your brain on pause and wait for her to finish like I have...change the subject or excuse yourself.  I know this sounds like a no-brainer...but how much of this do we tolerate in order to be "nice?"  
• She complains about the military constantly.  Ok, this is a hard one.  We all have our days.  This life isn't something that comes naturally to everyone (including myself...but I work pretty darn hard to make the most of it!).  However, if you are constantly hearing her talking about the military as the wall separating herself from happiness, run....and run fast!  This is our life.  We work to embrace it, warts and all...and make it work.  There is no use in wallowing in self pity, we have to grab it and claim it.  Otherwise, we will fall.  This constant complaining is the sign of a truly unhappy person who would be miserable anywhere.  The stressors that come with the military are challenging enough without throwing someone else's bitterness into the mix.  Don't be that person who is going to "cheer" her up...she needs to do that herself.
• She is into "collecting trophies".  This one is a doozy.  A collector is someone who befriends people for what she can gain from them.  There are strings attached to everything.  You may not see this trait at first.  Most of the time, it is too late when you realize what you have gotten into.  I am wary of gifts.  While I can graciously receive, gifts tend to raise a red-flag for being bought.
• Every conversation centers on herself.  A blinding beacon that tells you that, in her world, she is the most important.  Others tend to fall somewhere in the nosebleed section.  I don't think I have to say anymore. 

I know that this is completely out of the ordinary for me.  I just want you to learn from my own mistakes.  Our lives are too full and demanding to include dragons.  Now, Roses, on the other hand, with their beauty and thorns are worth the risk.  I don't know where I would be without my Roses.

Our military society is filled with so many different kinds of roses.  While the thorns are there, they are not something that can destroy others.  With most roses, you discover that those thorns are beautiful gifts that the rose uses to protect others, not herself.  While at first she may be a bit prickly, there is a beauty in her soul and a gentleness in her scent that will make your world a truly beautiful place.

Make sure that you are a Rose, not a Dragon...