The Joy of Public Mortification

One thing that I quickly learned about living in the pressure cooker military environment was that some people just did not have social skills.  Normally, I could get away from those who lacked the ability to interact with their fellow human beings.  However, that is very difficult to do in the military.  Some people are just angry, and they long to spread that discontent among their fellow spouses.  Through the following years I would bear witness to the airing of dirty laundry in very public places.  I would watch in awe and wonder as grown women would reduce themselves to quarreling junior high girls, right before my very eyes.  It is quite amazing, really.  There is a small, but extremely LOUD segment of the military population that feels that, without drama or discord, their worlds are going to end.

Everyone knows what I am talking about.  These are the women that give military spouses a very bad rap.  Most of us want to live in peace, run the household, have our friends, and see the military society work the way it is supposed to.  The turmoil these women are capable of creating is mesmerizing.  A simple affront or misunderstanding results in fireworks and the makings of WWIII.  With great effort, they try to draw their husbands into it, causing tensions to rise within units.  Many times, this stuff happens because they are bored or have decided that the Military is the source of all their problems..."Let's stir the pot a little?" First Sgts and leaders within squadrons and units understand this...completely. All of a sudden, guys are called in for "control your wife" talks with the Shirt or the commander.  

My first personal experience was a result of a chance encounter with my delightful "Shared Wall" neighbors.  My neighbor and his screaming wife FINALLY conceived. No, this didn't bring a stop to the amazing noise volume filling our home from next door.  If anything, it increased.  I remember that, at this point, the leaves had changed and fallen from the trees.  It wasn't brisk outside.  It was downright cold.  Winter was setting in.  My engineer and I had discovered that we were expecting our first baby a month before.  While we told friends, we did NOT scream it from the mountain tops.  People would know soon enough.  I was a couple months along and sick as a dog.

One evening, after spending most of the day embracing the toilet bowl, I peeled myself away from the house to go to the BX for a few essentials.  I had meandered through the store, picked up what I needed, and stood in line.  Because I wasn't feeling too hot, I hadn't really noticed the people around me.  I guess you could say I was zoning out.  I was at the register when I heard a voice behind me say, "HEY!"

I turned around to see that it was my neighbor and her husband.  I forced a smile and said a pleasant, "Hello!  How is pregnancy treating you?"  only to be cut off with a loud, terse, "you need to stop throwing your tampons in the toilet!!!  You flooded our basement and NOW we have to wait for it to dry out!"

There I stood, ID and debit card in hand, at the register with a huge line of people looking on.  I remember looking from her to her husband.  He looked completely beat down and embarrassed, but that coward didn't say a single thing.  I then, very evenly, responded, "I am sorry, but it wasn't me."  All I wanted to do at that point was get out of her way, find a toilet to throw up in, and get out of site of the line of onlookers.  Sadly, I wasn't to be so lucky, fore she had more to say.

"It HAD to be you!  That is the ONLY reason our pipes would back up.  I know it was you!" she continued loudly.  Finally, I had enough.  I turned to her and very firmly said, "It was not me.  I haven't had a period in three months.  I am pregnant.  And I don't not appreciate being accosted in public in this manner.  Have a good day!"  Her husband stood there, his mouth hanging open, his hand gripping her arm.  Everyone's eyes were wide open, and the cashier had a small smile on her lips.  After bidding the teller a good day, I took my things and headed home.

To this day I still think about this unfortunate exchange.  There was no real way to get out of it.  I was tired of her temper invading my home.  To have this then get dumped on my head in front of so many people was mortifying!  She was the preverbal bull in a china shop, destroying everything in her wake.  To this day, she is the epitome of "The Angry Military Spouse."  I have a lot to thank her for.

Now, as I work within the military community, I keep my eyes wide open for "The Angry Military Spouse."  Because of the stress of our living environment, such anger is contagious and quickly becomes viral.  When I meet young spouses, I tell them to search for the positive and stay far away from discord. Life is just too short.  Forget the myth of living a dramatic life, a peaceful one is much better by far.