"You've Gotta Keep'em Separated!"

What had felt like an eternity at the time, came to an abrupt halt in September. I had been working 12-14 hour days, and my engineer had been receiving leads on jobs.  With great frustration, my engineer contacted the recruiter and informed him that either the USAF do something or the deal was off.  Not five days later, my engineer was officially sworn in and sent down to Alabama for Officer Training School (OTS).  Thus began our first separation period of many in the years to follow.

The memory of that day is both vivid and cloudy.  Aspects of it are lost in the emotional chaos that envelopes taking a leap into the unknown.  I remember how we packed for the trip the night before and feeling deeply saddened by the prospect of saying good bye.  Our "Last Supper" had been at our favorite neighborhood Indian restaurant.  While I smiled and worked to remain cheerful, the impending loss of a dear friend and love added a grayness to an otherwise colorful, happy place.

While our courtship had been long distance, we had seen each-other on the weekends. I wasn't too sure how I was going to handle this. No one was stepping forward with wise council.  There were no girlfriends who had done it, understood it, and knew how to support or encourage me.  What I would have given to have my military sisters that I have now back then!  The feeling of isolation was crushing.

5am came too soon.  The blur of events at the Federal Building in St. Louis, though an all day snail crawl back then, are now a high speed whirl culminating in my engineer taking the oath, unloading his bags from the car, and walking to meet the train heading to the St. Louis Airport.  I remember sitting in the car, parked by the side of the road, watching him walk away until I couldn't see him any longer.  All I remember thinking is, "What have I gotten myself into???"

"What had I gotten myself into?"  How many times have I asked myself that over years?  No clue.  No clue whatsoever.  When spouses either marry into the military or "join the military" (like I did when my engineer signed on after we married), there is a mental understanding of what the demands are going to be.  I knew that he would be gone.  I knew that he would go away for training and to fight in wars.  That is all part of the package that comes with the uniform.  However, no amount of mental understanding prepares anyone for the emotional impact that long distance brings to a marriage.  Though I had been content when I was single, saying good bye to my best friend, and knowing that it would be a constant in my life from that point on, tore me apart emotionally.

After he left, I begged for more hours at work.  I worked harder and longer, dreading the return to our quiet apartment.  While my cat was there waiting for me, she was getting older and wasn't as social as she used to be.  To be honest, she was getting downright crabby (I am being very nice...friends have a far more fitting description of her that I will not post here).  I had the distinct feeling, upon entering the apartment, that I was invading her space.  What had once been a place of laughter and quiet comfort, had morphed into the epicenter of loneliness.  Though I loved to cook, meals became simpler and simpler.  All of a sudden, cooking for one just wasn't worth the effort.  NPR became a constant buzz in our home as I desperately tried to fill the void created by my engineer's absence.

Time passed S-L-O-W-L-Y!!!  Due to the fact that my engineer was being "Blued" for the first time, his contact with the outside world was miniscule.  5 Minute conversations once a week were what we had...if that.  All I can say about this situation is that it is NOT the ideal way for newlyweds to spend the early part of their marriage.

Months dragged on.  That time included holidays and his birthday.  When I FINALLY got the call saying that Commissioning was almost here, we were closing in on Christmas.  Around that time I also got the call concerning our very first assignment.  "Welcome to the military....we are sending you to..."